Some Common Reasons Why Your Partner Isn’t Opening Up To You
There are often many reasons why your significant other won’t open up to you, either emotionally or physically. Getting to the bottom of what’s behind it all takes some time and trust, so be patient and open with your companion; don’t get mad or upset at them for being introverted or closed-off.
Remember, they’re trying, and they need encouragement. Here are just some of the reason why the love of your life might not be opening up to you…
They are insecure about their feelings.
Your partner may be contemplating how they are feeling and are unsure if their feelings are valid. Everything will depend on the situation, and if they know that you are open and ready to hear them out, it will be more comfortable. Remind them that it is okay to feel the way that they are feeling.
They are unsure how they feel about you.
If they are unsure how they are feeling about you in your relationship, it can be tough to open up to you. If you are letting them know how you feel and they don’t feel the same way, this can be intimidating for them. Try to take it slow and go at their pace.
They are unsure how you feel about them.
On the contrary, if they are unsure how you feel about them, they may not want to open up to you as well. If you aren’t communicating with them, then they won’t know how you truly feel. Make sure the communication is open both ways.
They lack self-confidence.
If your partner has their own insecurities that they have to deal with, that may be holding them back from opening up in the first place. Make sure that you have communicated that you care about them and they don’t have to worry about their insecurities.
They are facing hard times at work.
It can be hard to open up about tough times at work, primarily if that also affects you directly. They may be waiting to see how things play out, but encourage them to talk about work as well. Ask open-ended questions that aren’t just a yes or no answer.
They have been fired from their job.
If they have been fired from their job, they are probably pretty embarrassed at this point. Opening up about this can be hard because it most likely affects you as well. Once they do tell you, be patient and know that it could be something that was out of their control.
They are having money problems.
If they are having money problems, whether that be their spending habits or if there is an addiction issue, make sure you listen to their concerns. If there is any way that you can help or know how to help, let them know, and let them know that you support them.
They have been hurt in past relationships.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend has been hurt in past relationships when they have opened up, it could be hard for them to open up again. Remembering how their other partner reacted when they opened up could be a trigger for them, so they just shut down instead. Let them know that you are open and willing to communicate with them.
They experience anxiety.
If they are just insecure people in general, it can be hard to open up, simply because they aren’t confident. Let them know that they can talk to you about anything and encourage them. Talk about your own insecurities as well and show them that they aren’t alone in feeling that way.
They aren’t sure about the future.
If they aren’t sure about where your relationship is going and if it is long term or short term, then that could make it very difficult for them to open up. If there have been signs that it is a short-term relationship, then they might not see a point in opening up. Let them know you are in for the long haul if that’s what you want.
They aren’t sure if you want children.
If your companion is confident that they want children and you have let on that you aren’t so sure, this could be a hard subject for them to bring up and talk about. It could change how they feel about the future, and not knowing can be a scary thought.
They aren’t sure if they want children.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, they may be unsure if they want children and you have made it very clear that you do. They don’t want to make you upset, but discussing this subject and knowing that you may disagree on it can be unsettling.
They don’t know what you want in bed.
If they are feeling like you aren’t satisfied in bed, they may be feeling insecure about this and are unsure about how to bring it up and ask. Make sure you are also communicating and letting your partner know how to meet your needs, and this confusion won’t happen.
They have needs that aren’t being met in bed.
If your partner has needs that aren’t being met, they may be afraid to talk to you about it and ask you to do certain things. They may want to explore more in the bedroom, but if they are insecure, they may be embarrassed. Be sure to keep the lines of communication open when it comes to the bedroom.
They know your past relationships have been complicated.
If you have talked openly about your past relationships and you have been hurt in the past, this may be a warning for your mate to not talk about certain things or bring up topics that are bothering them. It could be a trigger for you, and they don’t want that to happen. Let them know that they can speak to you about anything, as long as it’s not intentionally hurtful to you.
They were brought up in a family that didn’t communicate.
How was your partner’s childhood? If your significant other was brought up in a family that just didn’t communicate, this could just be their regular interactions. If this is the case, it could take a while for old habits to break. Let your partner know that you want them to communicate with you more often, but don’t get upset or angry if this process takes a long time. You will get there.
They have made a mistake.
If they have made a mistake or there has been an accident, they may be afraid to open up to you about the situation. As long as both of you as a team has open and honest communication, hopefully, they will feel like they can come to you eventually and talk about it.
They cheated on you.
If your partner has done something like cheated on you, they probably don’t want to open up to you about this issue. People make mistakes, and even though this one is a deal-breaker for most, if you have open communication with each other, hopefully, they will come clean and talk to you about it.
They are fearful of what you are going to say.
If they have done something wrong, or if they are just insecure about a topic they want to talk to you about, they may be holding back in fear of what you are going to say. If you have expressed in the past that you think something is silly, for example, they may not want to open up to you about that subject.
It has something to do with their health.
Maybe your companion is holding back about something to do with their health, they may be waiting on test results or for a time where they can go in and see their doctor. The fear of the unknown could be driving them crazy and making them act weirdly from the anxiety. Reassure them that they can talk to you about anything and hopefully they will open up about their concerns.
It has something to do with their family.
If you are in a long-term committed relationship, you should be considered their family as well. However, if someone in their family is a very private person, your partner could be respecting their wishes of keeping certain things private. Make sure if they do open up about it not to push the subject too much in case this is what the situation is like.
It has something to do with your family.
If your partner is having difficulties with someone you are close to in your family, they may be afraid of how you are going to react to this. If you are close with your family, but your partner is having trouble connecting, speak with your family as well. Let them know that your partner is a great and caring person.
They tried opening up in the past, and it wasn’t received well.
If your partner has tried to open up in the past and it was met with you not listening or caring, your partner may be hesitant to open up to you again because of that. If they just think that you won’t care, of course, they won’t talk to you! Be patient and listen to your partner and offer feedback as well.
It’s about their own fears.
It can be hard to admit to something that you are fearful of. If it is a serious fear that affects their everyday life, this could be even more embarrassing for them. Try to be as understanding as possible, and see if there is any way that you could help them overcome this fear. It will make your relationship stronger.
They are afraid of hurting you.
Your companion may not be opening up to you if they know that you get upset quickly when talking about specific subjects. Them not opening up to you may be a way that they are protecting you. However, in reality, they aren’t protecting you, as your communication should be open and honest without anyone having to bottle anything up.
They feel alone.
If they feel like the relationship is one-sided, and they are feeling alone, they may not want to open up to you. If they feel like no one will understand or they are dealing with something that is rare, it could be hard to believe that anyone would understand them. Keep an open mind, and let them know that you are always there for them.
They are afraid of letting you down.
Is there a topic that they know you disagree with, whether it is big or small? Maybe you would be disappointed of discussing the outcome of a situation. In that case, your partner may be afraid to open up to you about it. Make sure to keep an open mind and know that it is okay to have different opinions on subjects. Maybe there would be information that one of you didn’t know before that would change the idea of the other as well.
They fear that you will leave them.
If there is a subject that your significant other is sure that if it was brought up, there was a chance that you would leave them, they may be hesitant to talk to you about it. However, if it is something serious, then maybe it would be for the better if it was talked about. Try to keep an open mind and a level head when having these hard discussions.
They are afraid that they will want to leave afterward.
If your companion is looking for a particular reaction from you, but there is only a 50/50 chance of that outcome happening, they may be afraid to open up to you about it. Keep the communication open and honest, and there should be nothing to worry about.
They are worried about being visibly upset.
It can be embarrassing if you cry when you get mad or upset. If there is a subject that is very sensitive for your partner, and they know that they will get upset by it, they may be avoiding the conversation altogether. If your partner does talk about it, be patient with them, and suggest taking a 15-minute break from the conversation and coming back to it again to let them recollect themselves.
They are worried about what will change.
Fear of the unknown is particularly scary for most people. If they aren’t opening up about something because they have no idea how you will react, they may just avoid it all together – even if the outcome would be a good one! Let them know the line of communication is completely open and that they can be comfortable telling you anything.
You don’t open up and communicate either.
Communication is a two-way street. If you are also not opening up and communicating, your partner will feel like they can’t open up and talk either. The good thing about communication is that it is something in a relationship that can and should be worked on, and it is something that can get better!
They are worried about being judged.
Your significant other may be fearful of how they will be perceived after opening up and communicating with you about a particular subject. If it is something that would have to be discussed outside of the relationship as well, they could be afraid of other people judging them as well.
They are worried because they can’t articulate well.
If your partner is not particularly good with words and articulating their thoughts in a cohesive matter, then they may be feeling insecure about opening up to you. If they are unsure about how to even open up to you in the first place, they may be feeling lost and confused. Try asking them open-ended questions to get the conversation started.
They are worried that you already know.
If they made a mistake and other people know about it, they may be afraid that you have heard it through the grapevine already and are waiting for them to come clean. If you know already, it could be something that you are bottling up and getting more mad about by the day, and they could be scared of this.
It’s about someone you don’t like.
If they aren’t opening up about a subject that involves a person that they know you don’t like, they could be trying to figure out how to approach the topic without making you upset. If the subject is brought up, try to keep calm and because it is something your partner wanted to talk to you about.
A promise was broken.
Your partner may not be opening up to you if they promised they wouldn’t do something – and they did. Everyone makes mistakes, so try to be understanding of that. If it is something that is reoccurring, then there would need to be a more serious conversation of how to move forward and what should happen for your future.
You will know that they lied to you.
Your partner may not be opening up to you, because if they do, then you will know that they lied to you about something. Your partner should never feel the need to lie to you about anything, so if this is the case then you may need to talk to them about being honest and trustworthy and what happens if they can’t be.
You told someone else first.
Your partner may not be opening up to you, because they already opened up to someone else. If this is the case, try to be understanding – maybe someone else was there at the right place and the right time. As long as they are still opening up to you about it afterward, then this should be okay.
A past fight is being brought up again.
If your partner is concerned about a past fight that you already had, but it is still bothering them, they may be hesitant to bring it up again in fear that the same battle will happen all over again. If it is a subject that bothers both of you and you already hashed it out, try to keep calm. It is something that your partner feels wasn’t resolved and needed to talk about.
They are in trouble with the law.
Your partner may not want to open up to you because they did something illegal, or they may not be allowed to discuss it with you at all. If they are allowed to talk to you about it and eventually chose to, they are most likely embarrassed by their actions, so try to be understanding. If this is a situation that has happened before, they may also need some tough love.
They don’t want to fight with you. Period.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend may not want to open up to you simply because they don’t want to fight with you. If everything is peaceful and you are getting along great, causing this to change may be a factor in them not opening up. Let them know that even if individual subjects are hard to talk about and that it can result in fighting, it is better than keeping it bottled up and avoiding the topics altogether.