These Are The Most Common Mistakes Men Make When Courting Women
Speed dating feels like a slow road to nowhere. Online match-ups tend to go downhill before you even meet up. One too many “you oughta text this great woman I know and ask her out” conversations have left you jaded.
You want to do things right this time because there’s something special about the new woman in your life. You feel a definite connection, and she just might be “the one,” so you don’t want to mess it up. The more you know, the better chance you’ll have of making your relationship official. Here’s what you should avoid doing if you hope to win her heart…
Thinking Romance Is For Saps
Sweet nothings and thoughtful deeds can go a long way when it comes to expressing how much someone means to you. They don’t have to be grand gestures. Small actions, like offering to help run an errand or picking a bunch of wildflowers, can convey a big heart.
Waiting Too Long To Call… Uh, Hello?
Don’t buy into the old, unwritten rule that calling too soon will make you look desperate. Waiting too long can make a woman feel confused and like she’s been put on the back burner before the relationship even gets underway. Your best bet is to call within 24-48 hours.
Texting Or Emailing Instead Of Calling
Yes, texting is easier. It takes less time and allows you to avoid sounding nervous or awkward in conversation. But not calling can give the impression that you’re unwilling to put forth the effort and engage with her verbally. To many women, a phone call shows interest and self-confidence.
Cheap Advice: Don’t Even Think About Not Paying For Dates Or Going Dutch
Leaving her with the tab for the first date or letting her pay for herself conveys not only cheapness, but callousness. When courting a woman, you want to come across as thoughtful and generous, not the modern-day manifestation of Ebenezer Scrooge. Be gracious if she absolutely insists on going dutch or sneakily picks up the tab.
Talking About How Awkward New Relationships Can Be
It’s common knowledge: new relationships are often awkward, sometimes confusing, and bring on a colossal case of the jitters. Why draw attention to it? Forget expounding on the butterflies you feel in favor of letting the conversation flow naturally about your mutual interests.
Not Smart: Spending Too Much Time On Your Phone
Put the phone away come date time. Away as in in your pocket. Off the table. Out of earshot. It’s really that simple.
The Elephant In The Room: Discussing Politics
Politics can drain the romance and whimsical excitement that should be the hallmark of well-planned dates. Even if you share the same political views and leanings with your date, launching into a diatribe about serious political issues can make time together seem more exhausting than exhilarating
Trying To Act Too Nonchalant
There’s a marked difference between coming across as carefree and seeming not to care. While you don’t want to appear too intense, you do want to convey interest in your date’s life, her likes and dislikes, her plans and goals, etc.
Not Planning Interesting Things To Do
You’re the one who’s doing the courting, so it’s on you to plan dates that are fun, interesting, and mutually enjoyable. Does every date have to be over-the-top? Absolutely not. But you don’t want to plan events and excursions that are more of a snooze than they are dreamy.
Less Is More #1: Talking Too Much About the Future
You don’t need to try and cover an abundance of important topics at the beginning of a new relationship. Take a step back and enjoy the courting process. Avoid posing questions about plans to have kids, where her career’s going, or what type of wedding she’d like to have. Getting to know someone takes time – keeping that in mind can take the pressure off.
Less Is More #2: Talking Too Much About The Past
Be careful when it comes to divulging a lot of details about your past relationships. Avoid bringing up ex-girlfriends and don’t inquire about ex-boyfriends. Too much revealing and too much prying can come across as strange and even a bit creepy.
Less Is More #3: Talking Too Much About Yourself
Steer clear of monologues. Stop prattling on about your goals, your expectations, and your experiences. Keep your date engaged by asking questions about her life and encouraging her to speak about herself. This leads to a two-way conversation, instead of a one-way ticket to a date that drags.
Forget trying to trick a woman into liking you by playing some of the games that pass as advice on the internet. Don’t feign mystery by answering questions with questions, don’t show up 10 minutes early to create a sense of urgency, and don’t act uninterested. Most women can tell when you’re trying to trick them into liking you and it usually backfires – they could end up liking you less.
Making A Move Too Quickly
Slow your roll. Moving too fast can destroy the chance of building interest and desire, which are keys to more meaningful courtship. Focus on conversing instead of locking lips, and you just might find that real connection you’ve been looking for.
Over-Analyzing What She Says Or Does
Over-analysis can ruin a courtship in no time. Remember that there’s not a hidden meaning behind every gesture or comment a woman makes. Try to accept things at face value, and you’ll find yourself enjoying her company even more.
Giving Up After A Minor Faux-Pas
Mistakes happen. Maybe you brought up a touchy subject or insisted too seriously on paying or showed up late. Sincerely apologize and move on. During a courtship, things can go wrong and actions can be misconstrued, but that doesn’t have to mean the end of things. Everyone makes minor mistakes from time to time; try not to waste a minute on fret-filled regrets.
Trying Too Hard
Desperation is off-putting. Confidence is a turn-on. Try not to come across as (or be) someone who absolutely, positively, and obviously needs this courtship to succeed for you to find happiness. Chill a bit, and you could find that it’s easier to warm her heart.
Not Trying Hard Enough
Laid back is good. Putting your feet up and almost falling asleep? Not so much. Courting requires effort, thought, and planning to show that you care. Being too blasé can turn a courtship into a sinking ship very quickly.
Not Listening Enough
Say what? You don’t want to turn a deaf ear to the woman you’re courting. Really listen to what’s being said. Pay attention, whether she’s talking about her work day, family members, or a movie that’s playing down the street. It’s important to show interest in what she has to say, because being tuned out is definitely a turn-off.
Like everyone else, you have faults – but you don’t have to put them on parade. Rein in your lack of confidence and realize that no one expects perfection. Courting a woman that you care about doesn’t require pretending to be someone you’re not; it’s about feeling free to be yourself.
Being Stingy With Compliments
Be generous with niceties, compliments, and honeyed words. They cost nothing but are priceless when it comes to helping establish a relationship with a woman you truly care about.
Extreme PDAs. Calling or texting every hour. Exhibiting jealousy about guy friends. No, possessive behavior isn’t sweet or complimentary – it’s stifling. It’s also one of the quickest ways to bring a curt end to your courting.
You don’t need to put your testosterone to the test to impress your lady. Skip the posturing, retire the muscle-bearing attire, and rethink ratcheting up your masculinity. More often than not, women are stressed – rather than impressed – by this type of behavior.
Not Following Through
If tell her you’re going to call, then call. When you promise her you’re going to arrive at a certain time, then arrive at that time. If you agree to do something, then do it. Be a man of your word and there will be no need for excuses.
Having Your Head On A Swivel
Your eyes may wander or your thoughts might stray. Even so, the woman you’re courting doesn’t want to see you fixated on the cleavage of the woman sitting in the restaurant booth next to you. Staring and flirting with other people makes the woman you’re with feel insignificant, and it could be taken as a sign that you won’t be committed or faithful in the future.
Expecting Her To Act Like Your Mother
Women are nurturers; that being said, don’t take advantage of the woman you’re courting. Expecting her to act more like your mother than your significant other is immature and disrespectful. You can clean up after yourself, pick up your own dry cleaning, and make yourself a sandwich when hunger pangs strike. To do otherwise might deal a fatal blow to your relationship.
Letting Your Friends Dictate Your Life
Your bros and wingmen are important to you, for sure. But if you let them dictate your life, how you date, or who you court, things aren’t going to end well. It would be much better to discuss your relationship issues with your significant other instead.
Showing Signs Of Hypocritical Standards
“Do as I say, not what I do” will probably not put you on the path to an “I do,” if that’s your goal. Hold yourself to the same standards you have for the woman you’re courting. Otherwise, you might come off as controlling, hypocritical, demanding, or unpleasant.
Being Threatened By Her Job
A woman’s career success should make you feel overjoyed, not overly concerned that she’s outpacing you in the work world. Don’t allow jealousy or insecurity to rain on her work-performance parade.
Displaying An Inflated Ego
Being a know-it-all? Big no-no. Tooting your own horn? More like blowing hot air. If you’re the man for her, you won’t need to convince her.
Treating Others Poorly
Making a scene with a cashier. Treating a taxi driver poorly. Talking rudely to a waiter. Treating others badly won’t be seen as a sign that you’re firm or decisive. Rather, it’ll come across as the actions of a thoughtless narcissist who doesn’t take into consideration the feelings of other people. In turn, she might decide that you’re not the kind of guy she wants to be courting.
What’s The Plan? Not Thinking Ahead
Spontaneity is kind of overrated. Women like to know that the man who’s courting them is decisive, capable of stepping up, and prepared to take on planning. If you’re often doing things on the fly, your girlfriend might get the feeling that stability isn’t in your future. And maybe neither is she.
What, Another Plan? Too Much Thinking Ahead
It’s great to plan your time together, but if you’re asking your new girlfriend to attend your cousin’s wedding a year down the road, you might be putting too much pressure on your relationship.
Going All-In Right Away
Epic, sweep-her-off-her-feet moves can be a turning point in courting – or a turn-off. Lovely gestures may be welcome in the relationship, but do too much too soon, and you might look more pathetic than romantic.
Not Speaking Up
Avoid the dreaded friend zone by speaking up and making your feelings known. Women are not mind readers or psychics or fortune tellers. They can’t see into the future, and they can’t see what’s going on in your brain. Your best bet is to share how you feel about her.
Putting On An Act
If you’re pretending to be someone you’re not, the ship has sailed for your chance at a successful courtship. Well-executed lines and rehearsed actions will have a false ring to them that your girlfriend will pick up on quickly. Be yourself and you’re much more likely to establish a relationship that’s not just real, but really enjoyable.
Rattling Off Your Resume
Constantly selling yourself? Women don’t buy it. If you’re always regaling a woman with stories of your successes, you might end up in a dating disaster. Focus instead on telling her how you experience life, what inspires you, or what you hope the future holds.
Paying For Everything
Parents pay for everything for their children; men don’t need to pay for everything for a woman. Engaging in courtship doesn’t mean you need to have your wallet at the ready. Splitting costs or letting her treat occasionally allows a woman to demonstrate that she’s not looking for a sugar daddy, just someone who’s a sweetheart.
Going To The Same Places All The Time
“They know me here.” Is that because you’re a friendly, welcome regular or an unimaginative date-meister? If you visit the same place with everyone you’ve hooked up with, it’s time to check out new spots in town. When your date notices that you’re on a first-name basis with everyone from the bartender to the bouncer, she’ll probably have a few questions.
Giving Up Too Soon
Perhaps your courtship isn’t absolute perfection – but what in life is? Remember that perfection is the enemy of the good. Resolve to continue working on the relationship despite complications, disappointments, or setbacks, and you might just land the woman of your dreams.