These Are The Unintentional Ways That You Might Be Sabotaging Your Relationship
Some people sabotage their relationships on purpose, perhaps because they want it to end without having to be the one to end it. But the vast majority of people who sabotage their relationships don’t even know that they’re doing so.
For a number of different reasons, including self-confidence, being hurt in the past, and how one was brought up, there are little things that eventually turn into big issues, that can result in the demise of a relationship. And if you’d like to find out whether you’re doing them (thus unknowingly causing the demise of your relationship), this is a must-read.
You Focus On the Bad More than The Good
This list is starting off with a bang and probably the most obvious thing one can do to destroy their relationship. Negativity is just a no-no. By choosing to dwell on the bad, you’re putting your relationship in a perpetual state of gloom. And no one wants to be part of that. How about giving the good things a little more attention?
You Want to Be Right At All Costs
This point is labeled as ‘hidden’ because the person who needs to be right all the time can rarely see it. They know they want to be right, but most times they fail to see the effect it’s having on their relationship. Having your partner always take the blame can crush them- even if they do stay, they won’t be their true self for fear of doing something bad or being the wrong one, yet again.
You Take Things Too Personally
In life, not everyone is going to like you. For that reason, people will have something bad to say about you once in a while. When your partner tells you something you don’t necessarily like to hear, dissect it before taking it personally. Ask yourself if what they said can help you grow or change for the better, before getting mad at them.
You Make Everything About You
If you want things to be all about you, why are you in a relationship. You’re neglecting your partner’s needs if all you’re concerned about is you. And it’s really not fair, at the end of the day.
You Expect Your Partner to Think Exactly Like You
Not because you and your partner have things in common means you’ll think the same way. Expecting them to do that will allow you to have expectations that are just unrealistic. Ask them what they think instead of assuming they’ll want what you want or have the same thoughts as you do on an important issue.
You Don’t Make It Easy to Talk to You
It’s hard to talk to someone who doesn’t listen, someone who always interrupts you and someone who will take low blows when they don’t like what they hear. Instead, listen until your partner is done with what they’re saying. Respond to them in a respectful way and do not hurt their feelings, even though you think they’re trying to hurt yours.
You Listen to their Words, But Not their Actions
Do you know that lots of people say they’re fine when they’re not? Most times, it’s done to avoid confrontation. You choose to listen to someone’s words and not what their body language/actions are saying, your relationship could be doomed. Pay attention to your partner and see if there’s anything you might be missing.
You’re Not Fully Present When You Two Are Together
It’s important to be in the moment with your partner. Get off your phone, tell your friends they can wait and fully immerse yourself into whatever it is you and your partner are doing. It’ll work wonders for your communication.
You Don’t Make Your Relationship A Priority
One of the biggest problems with relationships is that it isn’t treated like a living thing. It needs lots of love and attention to thrive. Not making it a priority is one of the easiest and most common ways people sabotage their relationships.
You’re Not Genuine
Why would anyone want to be in a relationship where people aren’t real or genuine about what they want and how they feel? You and your partner will never truly be on the same page if they think you feel one way, but you actually don’t. Be true to who you are or it’ll never work.
You Communicate With Sarcasm (All the Time)
Sarcasm is fun when you’re joking around, but it can get old really quickly if it’s how you communicate your thoughts, feelings, wants and needs. Talk to your partner normally if you want them to take you seriously.
You Make Lots of Assumptions
To assume you know what your partner’s thinking or is going to say is one of the biggest mistakes you can make, especially in a disagreement. Because your mood and attitude will be based on the assumption and not reality, which can escalate the situation.
You’ve Lost Respect For Your Partner (And Vice Versa)
There are little things that you and your partner do that are unattractive to each other. Some of these things can cause both of you to lose respect for each other. The important thing is to talk about these things before they get to a point where nothing can be done. And if you have gotten to that point, it may be time to end the relationship.
You Fight Change
Change is inevitable. The weather changes, your body changes and it’s more than reasonable to believe that your relationship will also change at one point. Fighting this change puts a strain on you and prevents the relationship from progressing as it should.
You Don’t Think Before You Speak
Word vomit and putting your foot in your mouth are real struggles. Where it has the ability to do harm is during arguments and disagreements where both parties are more concerned with throwing jabs than actually communicating. Sure, you can get over a fight, but will you forget the things your partner said out of anger?
You No Longer See the Need to Say Certain Things
Saying things like “I love you,” “You look beautiful,” or “I missed you today” can go a long way in making your partner feel like you’ve been thinking about them. Not saying these things because you’re no longer in the honeymoon phase of your relationship is a sure-fire way to slowly kill your relationship.
You No Longer See the Need to Do Certain Things
Getting comfortable in a relationship means that there are certain things both partners will stop doing. One person won’t feel the need to look all dolled up all the time, and the other won’t text as often. But that doesn’t mean that you need to stop showing how much you love the person or make romantic gestures every now and then. Make an effort to keep the love and excitement there.
You Offer Criticism But No Support
Calling your partner out is necessary if they’re doing something wrong. But it’s the way you do that really counts. You can’t keep criticizing someone and expect them to not resent you eventually. When you’re saying what you didn’t like, say what you would prefer or what you do like. Mix the positive with the negative to soften the blow, and choose your words wisely.
You’re Not Open to Discussing Certain Things
It’s almost impossible to know nearly every single thing about one’s partner. But that doesn’t mean you should be a closed book. If there are things you don’t want to discuss, ask your partner for some time. Tell them little by little. If you love and trust them, it’s not fair to keep things from them forever.
You Never Let Anything Go
Just as wounds fester, so can feelings. If there’s something on your mind about what your partner did, talk about it and let it go. We aren’t saying to do it right away, but don’t let it sit on your chest for years. You’ll end up despising the person you’re with before you know it.
You’re Always In the Driver’s Seat
It’s true that some people are more fit to lead than others, but that doesn’t mean that you should always be in control. Your partner should also have a voice. Steamrolling them with what you want and what you think is best will have you losing them before you realize it’s happened.
You Cancel Things On Them All the Time
Things come up- that much is true. But constantly canceling plans to accommodate everyone but your partner could deal a hard blow to them. How would you feel if it appeared that your partner always canceled what you had planned? Not good, right?
You Always Have An Excuse
Taking accountability can make or break a relationship. If your partner accuses you of doing something wrong, instead of blaming it on something else, apologize and try not to repeat that action. Passing blame is not an attractive quality.
You Lie Frequently
When people are asked what they need in a relationship, honesty is almost always in the top three. Telling lies breaks trust faster than anything else and is almost impossible to rebuild once lost. Be brave and tell the truth, even if it may hurt for a little while.
You Have Inappropriate Conversations with Your Exes
The debate as to whether a person having contact with their ex after a relationship is over is a problem or not one that will probably never be solved. But some relationships do end with friendships or on good terms. If you’re having a conversation with your ex that you won’t want your partner to know about, it’s a sure-fire way to sabotage your relationship.
Cheating is not at all a hidden method of sabotage- because it is inherently wrong! There’s no reason that justifies being with someone in a way that would hurt your partner. If you want to be with someone else, end your relationship before you cause irreparable damage.
You Make Yourself Seem Available
Even if you aren’t cheating, behaving in a way that invites other people to think you’re available is a problem. We’re not saying that you shouldn’t go out or to sit in a corner when you do; we’re saying that you shouldn’t flirt with others, ask for phone numbers or dance inappropriately with anyone.
You Talk About Your Exes All the Time
Like we were saying, not every relationship ends badly. But yours could if you don’t stop bringing up your ex and all the things you guys did together in your new relationship. Leave what happened in the past in the past.
You Love Comparing Them to Your Ex
Another big no-no is comparing your current partner to anyone, let alone your ex. If things didn’t work out with an ex, why would you want your partner to be more like them? It makes no sense, it will hurt your partner’s feelings and eventually destroy your relationship.
You Pick Fights With Your Partner
It’s easy to pick a fight with your partner when you’re already annoyed, and maybe even a bit acceptable if it happens once in a blue moon and you apologize for it right away. But if you’re always doing it, your partner won’t be able to put up with it for long.
You Don’t Pay Attention To their Boundaries
There must be boundaries, even in a relationship. Of course, these boundaries depend on your level of comfort around your partner and could change over time, but it is important that while they’re there, that they should be respected.
You Go Through Your Partner’s Phone and Email
Privacy is a funny thing in relationships because some people don’t mind their partners looking through their phones or emails. If doing those two things will upset your partner or cause problems in your relationship, then you shouldn’t be doing it. If there’s a problem with trust, let your partner know how you feel. Being your own private detective will hurt you, your partner and what you’ve built together.
You Don’t Include Your Partner
Life is much more than just your relationship. And it’s understandable that you have hobbies and friends outside of it. By not including your partner (on occasion), it shows that you’d prefer not to have them around. And if that really is the case, creating hobbies/activities the two of you can get into is a great solution.
You’re Not Making Your Partner Feel Good About Themselves
In a relationship, it’s very important that both parties feel loved, confident and desired. But this is sometimes ignored because people don’t see how important it is to do that. Your partner will feel neglected and some even turn to other people to make them feel good (which is wrong). So give a genuine compliment now and then, buy them chocolate or a bouquet of flowers and kiss them like they’re the only other person in the world.
You Avoid Being Intimate
Different couples need different amounts of intimacy. A problem doesn’t arise with how often it’s done as long as both people are happy- the problem happens when one partner is avoiding being intimate, without explaining why they’re avoiding it. What’s worse is making horrible excuses for it. Your partner deserves to know the truth before they make assumptions that can cause problems in your relationship.
You Avoid Going Home
There are things that people can sense, even if it’s not spelled out. Avoiding going home to limit your contact with your partner is one of those things. And who wants to feel like their partner doesn’t want to be near them? If communicating your feelings can’t be done, then maybe the relationship is already over.
You Don’t Think You’re Good Enough
Low self-esteem can affect a relationship immensely. If one party feels like they aren’t good enough, they will begin to doubt their partner has genuine feelings for them. It’s also very possible that that person can become jealous of and start to resent the more confident party.
You’re A Perfectionist
Being a perfectionist can force your partner to want to do things they just aren’t capable of. Because you need things to be perfect all the time, anything they do that doesn’t fit the bill will get on your nerves. On top of that, your partner will also feel like they have to walk on eggshells so as not to displease you- both of which will cause you to drift apart.
Your Expectations Are Too High
Your partner is a red-blooded human being. No one is perfect or should be expected to meet crazy high expectations all the time. Life is already filled with stressors. Your relationship should not be one of them.
You’re Not 100% Committed
If you’re not ready to be 100% committed, you need to communicate that to your partner. Because you can try to hide it, but your partner will eventually get the sense that you’re keeping something from them. Furthermore, it’s not fair to your partner. The least you can do is be honest.